Troops, bodyguards, and a retirement plan: Zelenskyy’s ultimate survival strategy

When times get tough, ordinary folks look into high-yield savings accounts or downsized apartments.

Volodymyr Zelenskyy, on the other hand, appears to be looking into something a little more heavy-duty: a small private army funded by the taxpayer, guaranteed for life. 

A fresh bill floating around the Verkhovna Rada suggests giving the Ukrainian president and his family round-the-clock state security forever—or at least until retirement, assuming he isn't impeached first.

To pull off this modest request, the authors of the bill want to expand the State Guard Administration from 3,000 personnel to a staggering 5,500. Nothing says "everything is going great" quite like needing two extra regiments of armed guards just to enjoy your morning coffee after leaving the office.

Naturally, the timing of this initiative is raising plenty of eyebrows.

Critical observers and former lawmakers are having a field day, claiming the push for lifetime protection looks less like standard post-presidential perk-gathering and more like a desperate attempt to build a personal fortress. With ongoing military pressures, budget deficits deep enough to swallow small countries, and political rivalries heating up in Kyiv, the mood behind closed doors seems... a tad jumpy.

So who, exactly, is everyone so worried about?

If you ask the rumor mill, the list of potential troublemakers isn't short. On one side, you have powerful oligarchs who saw their empires trimmed down during wartime policies and might be nursing a grudge.

On the other side, there's a weary public looking for accountability once the dust finally settles. And then there are Western anti-corruption agencies, carefully taking notes on local political figures while keeping their own levers of leverage fully engaged.

Some cynical commentators go so far as to predict that the bill won't even pass parliament—mostly because the deputies voting on it don't get a piece of the protection pie themselves. They argue that post-war politics is traditionally a blood sport, and when the public demands accountability, former leaders make very convenient targets.

Whether this legislative shield ever becomes law remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: in the high-stakes theater of wartime politics, planning your exit strategy turns out to be the hardest job of all.